Hm. [ He doesn't believe him. He doesn't care.] Do you even remember the last we spoke this way?
[ They have been ghosts to one other since their arrival. Aegon probably knows nothing of what Aemond has gotten up to since. Before here, it had been moons for Aemond— his Aegon wasn't in the talkative mood. Before that, well, they weren't speaking much either. Not in a clement way. Not since the child. ]
[ Of all the venom and ridiculousness that's passed between them these past days, this one lands where it hurts, because this disbelief, this doubt, it's justified. And there's no joy to be wrung from arguing with a truth. (Leave it to Aemond to suck the fun out of something.) ]
It's been... [ a while, yet Aegon foolishly thought things were getting better up until it became clear it was only getting worse. ] I tried to mend this. Having you sit with the small council was not just for show.
[ It's a victory, if not a hollow one. Aemond has made greater sacrifices. ]
As your hound, your war dragon. [ The weapon he molded himself into, mayhaps. Aemond knew his role in this war a decade in the making. His place at that table was not Aegon's doing. ] I was there for you to shoot me like an arrow at your enemies.
That was what you made yourself to everyone at that table the moment you claimed Vhagar. A threat, a thing to point and unleash. [ He's not feeling bad about that, nope. He has enough on his guilt plate already. ]
But you've never been just a weapon to me. I wanted you there because you're my brother. I wanted you at my side because I thought, Seven hells-- [ How to describe the little laugh that followed? Sad, defeated? ] I thought you'd be the only one who ever would be.
[ Tightlacing his emotions only goes so far. Words wrought along the edges. How long had he held this question to his chest? Was it watching him wheezing at his bedside? Was it watching Sunfyre spiral to the ground in smoke and flame or seeing the golden wyrm dancing in the sky above? He doesn't know what this Aegon knows. Before he'd made the decision or after. ]
I wanted to! But when I'm hearing what you're up to from everyone except you, what am I supposed to think? I would've stood with you on anything if you had brought it to me first. Instead you shut me out. Same as the rest of them.
[ They would have made him a part of it, Cole and him. The discussion occurred before all fell apart. The time came again, and what happened? His brother barking in his face. Even then, Aemond still fought in his name, his war. He could have killed Aegon in his sleep. Any night then and since— Wheezing in his bed coffin on the long journey back. In his chambers. On the forest floor. He wanted his glory, there is no denying that. He made a choice. ]
Poor you, is that what you desire to hear? Poor Aegon, who was ever the perfect brother. [ Mercy. There is plenty for Aegon to pity himself for, but an unappreciated brotherly fealty is not one. ] Never kept me away, never thought me a nuisance, a twat. Never let the opportunity slide to poke and prod and sneer. [ He's mad, can he feel how mad he is? Mad at him, mad at himself. ] Poor King Aegon the Benevolent, sucker of cocks and gifter of crowns. If only I hadn't been blind to the emptied spot at your side if you hadn't shut me out first!
[ What he thought would only be teasing now felt like a blade lodged under his ribs, one Aemond knew exactly how to twist. ]
You think I don't know what I did to you? I have to see it every time I fucking look at you. I have never believed myself anything but the one who failed you first.
[ Was every prod and sneer something Aemond kept, held tight like a wound he fed and watered, while Aegon let it slip from his mind the moment the words left his mouth? He tries to be furious in return, should be furious, for so many things, he has a right to it, but all he can feel now is the anger accompanying his brother's words rattling around his head. ]
[ Aemond hates it more that he does. The part of him mourns for how much loathing is stored in his heart. He never wanted it either. Aegon's words resonate in an unexpected way. Like Luke, was it a revenge taken too far? How good it felt to put him in his place that he would not forget. How fleeting that feeling became once it was swallowed up in the shadow of fear and regret. An ugly series of machinations he can only survive by pretending it doesn't exist.
If he didn't want it then, he wants to now. How satisfying it would feel to close his hands around his throat and feel the breath stutter beneath his thumbs. All of this pain, and Aegon hadn't given it any second thought. Any chance he might resent him for it. ]
Did you think I enjoyed the humiliation by you? [ Isolated. Taken for granted. ] Yet, all I have ever done was in the duty of securing your claim whether you approved of it or not.
[ Aemond wasn't meant to enjoy it, he was meant to hurt. That's not much of an argument in his favor, he knows, but the thought crosses Aegon's mind all the same. He is not self-aware to know why he does it, why needling his brother always feels good in the moment. It had been their way of speaking, hadn't it? Sharp words in place of anything softer. He never thought any of it would draw blood, even when he hoped it had. Not really. And now what, he's meant to feel guilty for that? ]
Duty. You chose to carry that burden all on your own, and then you want to hold it over my head? Here you are, acting like you've never given as good as you've got, forgetting that you've made me believe that every fucking thing you do in my name will bring me another grave to stand over.
[ A sound catches in his throat, and he's silent for a moment. Knowing he's a fool for thinking this would go any other way, for clinging onto that flicker of something that maybe⦠maybe his brother doesn't want after all. ]
If my absence will bring you peace, then take it. I'll leave you alone. Gods know, if we go on like this again, the whole damned fortress will be ash by the time we're through.
[ There's no response, but no disconnect either...not immediately. He wants to say something, but the words don't come. Just the sick twisting in his stomach that Aemond has buried and left alone for a very long time. Hells, it deserves to be severed. This relationship of theirs is dragging on like a limb that's only being held fast to the rest of the body by a strip of sinew. Bone and flesh hacked away crudely over time.
I should have put you in the grave.
Not because it's what he'd wanted, only that it would be easier. Easier than this persistent bloodletting whenever their paths cross and linger far too long. Easier than bearing the guilt he pretends isn't there, looming like the Stranger over Aemond's shoulder. Taking everything his brother loved away from him. He could learn to love his brother's ashes.
In all actuality, the moment could feel long or short from Aegon's perspective. Just an uneasy silence. The feeling of something left unsaid. The bitterness of his guilt. Then it goes, and so is he.]
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He doesn't care.] Do you even remember the last we spoke this way?[ They have been ghosts to one other since their arrival. Aegon probably knows nothing of what Aemond has gotten up to since. Before here, it had been moons for Aemond— his Aegon wasn't in the talkative mood. Before that, well, they weren't speaking much either. Not in a clement way. Not since the child. ]
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It's been... [ a while, yet Aegon foolishly thought things were getting better up until it became clear it was only getting worse. ] I tried to mend this. Having you sit with the small council was not just for show.
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As your hound, your war dragon. [ The weapon he molded himself into, mayhaps. Aemond knew his role in this war a decade in the making. His place at that table was not Aegon's doing. ] I was there for you to shoot me like an arrow at your enemies.
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But you've never been just a weapon to me. I wanted you there because you're my brother. I wanted you at my side because I thought, Seven hells-- [ How to describe the little laugh that followed? Sad, defeated? ] I thought you'd be the only one who ever would be.
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[ Tightlacing his emotions only goes so far. Words wrought along the edges. How long had he held this question to his chest? Was it watching him wheezing at his bedside? Was it watching Sunfyre spiral to the ground in smoke and flame or seeing the golden wyrm dancing in the sky above? He doesn't know what this Aegon knows. Before he'd made the decision or after. ]
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Poor you, is that what you desire to hear? Poor Aegon, who was ever the perfect brother. [ Mercy. There is plenty for Aegon to pity himself for, but an unappreciated brotherly fealty is not one. ] Never kept me away, never thought me a nuisance, a twat. Never let the opportunity slide to poke and prod and sneer. [ He's mad, can he feel how mad he is? Mad at him,
mad at himself.] Poor King Aegon the Benevolent, sucker of cocks and gifter of crowns. If only I hadn't been blind to the emptied spot at your side if you hadn't shut me out first!no subject
[ What he thought would only be teasing now felt like a blade lodged under his ribs, one Aemond knew exactly how to twist. ]
You think I don't know what I did to you? I have to see it every time I fucking look at you. I have never believed myself anything but the one who failed you first.
[ Was every prod and sneer something Aemond kept, held tight like a wound he fed and watered, while Aegon let it slip from his mind the moment the words left his mouth? He tries to be furious in return, should be furious, for so many things, he has a right to it, but all he can feel now is the anger accompanying his brother's words rattling around his head. ]
I didn't think you hated me.
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If he didn't want it then, he wants to now. How satisfying it would feel to close his hands around his throat and feel the breath stutter beneath his thumbs. All of this pain, and Aegon hadn't given it any second thought. Any chance he might resent him for it. ]
Did you think I enjoyed the humiliation by you? [ Isolated. Taken for granted. ] Yet, all I have ever done was in the duty of securing your claim whether you approved of it or not.
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Duty. You chose to carry that burden all on your own, and then you want to hold it over my head? Here you are, acting like you've never given as good as you've got, forgetting that you've made me believe that every fucking thing you do in my name will bring me another grave to stand over.
[ A sound catches in his throat, and he's silent for a moment. Knowing he's a fool for thinking this would go any other way, for clinging onto that flicker of something that maybe⦠maybe his brother doesn't want after all. ]
If my absence will bring you peace, then take it. I'll leave you alone. Gods know, if we go on like this again, the whole damned fortress will be ash by the time we're through.
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I should have put you in the grave.
Not because it's what he'd wanted, only that it would be easier. Easier than this persistent bloodletting whenever their paths cross and linger far too long. Easier than bearing the guilt he pretends isn't there, looming like the Stranger over Aemond's shoulder. Taking everything his brother loved away from him. He could learn to love his brother's ashes.
In all actuality, the moment could feel long or short from Aegon's perspective. Just an uneasy silence. The feeling of something left unsaid. The bitterness of his guilt. Then it goes, and so is he.]